From the begging

         

        I had a friend tell me that I should make a blog and share my story so others could hear it, and maybe it will help others that are going through some of the same things. This is my story;

    I was in Jr. High school when it all started. I was in the 7th grade and I was in a ceramics class and I didn't have any friends to sit with so, I decided that I would just sit at a table. I sat down and other people started to fill the class room. As the class went on, I realized that people on my table were staring at me and laughing. I was really confused what was going on. I just decided to mind my own business and went back to work. Later that day at lunch I saw my friend. I was so glad to see someone that I could talk to. I went up to him and the first thing he said was that people asked him why he was friends with the girl that looked like flounder, an ugly fish. I was confused and I asked him what he was talking about. He told me that his friend had told him that I look like a fish that was called flounder. Not flounder from the movie Little Mermaid, but a real flounder. I was really embarrassed and I didn't know what to say so I just walked away. After that day I decided that people probably don't want to look at my ugly face. I kept my head down all day at school until I got home. When I was at home I would look at pictures of flounders and think to myself that I actually did look like a fish! I hated going to my ceramics class because I sat with the people that were making fun of me. Anytime they would say hey flounder I would respond and say hey. I didn't know how to stand up for myself. My head got lower and lower so no one would have to look at my face. I was ashamed of the way I looked. I didn't have any self confidence at all. By the time lunch came around I was really, really hoping I could just escape from the world. I would sit in a hallway all by myself for lunch. Luckily I had made some new friends from other classes and they eventually helped me realize that I am better than that to think I was ugly. 

    When I was finally out of Jr. High and thought that I wouldn't have to deal with people calling me names, or pointing and laughing at me, I saw this friend of mine that I hadn't seen since elementary school! He had always been mean to me but I thought that maybe things had changed. I decided that I would go and talk to him and see how things were going. He talked to me like he had changed and that he was going to be a great friend. As my sophomore year went on I saw him and other people giving me weird looks and laughing at me. I was really confused and I just went on my way as I usually did. I met these two other boys who were friends with my friend from elementary school. They all were so rude to me but I really didn't care at the time. They would always find a way to tell me that I was ugly and they couldn't see me ever being loved or cared about by anyone. I just laughed and agreed with them. I didn't know what to do in that situation. As time went on they were still saying rude and mean things to me, but I started to believe that I would never be married and that I could never be cared for. One day out of no where, I heard people quacking and calling the name Aflack out. I looked around to see who they were making fun of but I realized they were staring at me. I was overcome with emotions of hatred and I just wanted to die. I walked away to the sound of them still quacking at me. On a different day I was going to my biology class and I heard laughing. It was the boys who had been making fun of me, and quacking at me. I tried my best to ignore them but I asked them what was so funny. They looked at me while laughing and said that I would find out soon. I went into the classroom confused, thinking that I either had food all over me, or something was in my hair. I sat down at my table and people were pointing at the window. I turned around to look at the window and there on the window was a poster of Aflack the duck. I was so embarrassed. The boys were laughing and quacking at me. My teacher didn't even say a word to them. I was being publicly embarrassed and a teacher wasn't doing a thing about it. I quickly put my head down on the table and cried. Luckily, that was my last class of the day. When I was walking home from school many cars were passing me by. One of the cars that was passing by, rolled down a window and they all screamed out the window Aflack and were quacking at me. Several days had passed and they were still quacking and laughing at me. I had gotten several text messages saying that I was ugly and that I would never be loved. One of the texts I can remember said: "I would rather kill you than look at you." I was upset and I was sick of the way I looked. I just wanted to be beautiful and be like everyone else. I couldn't stand the pain I was in and I wanted to end my life.

This had been going on all 3 years that I was in high school. My Junior year I decided it was time to end my life. The night I was going to kill myself the boy who quacked and laughed at me showed up at my door step and told me that I needed to get in his car because he knew something was wrong. My parents had no idea who I was with and what was going on. When I got home, I decided that I should tell my parents what I almost did. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of emotion going on. We decided that I needed to get help. We scheduled an appointment with a therapist. The day came of my appointment and I was so nervous. I didn't want my therapist to think that I was ugly. I was scared she would. The first thing she said to me when she met me was: "You're gorgeous. Are you a model?" I thought she was joking... After I had told her my situation she looked me in the eyes and said that she couldn't believe that is what happened to me because she honestly thought that I was a model.. I went to therapy for over 3 years and it was the best decision I have made yet in my life. It has helped me to realize that I am beautiful. That I will one day be married and loved by someone who cares about me. I'm so thankful for the help I have been given. I'm blessed to have the family that I have. They helped me through the most of it. I know for a fact I wouldn't be here today if I didn't get the help that I needed.