The year that changed my life.

  This post is rather hard to write but I thought I should post it so it could maybe help someone. Plus, since I am telling about my life story, you can't really leave something out that was big in your life right?
    During my Jr. year in high school I met this boy. Something was different about him. I wasn't sure at the time what was different but I could see something. We had a class together. When I first met him, he told me that he had been jumped when he was 12 years old. He pulled up his shirt and showed me his scar that went from his belly button all the way up to his chest. He had been stabbed. I got chills just from looking at his scar. He took me out to a movie one day and he asked me to be his girl. I didn't even think that was weird that he asked me to be his girlfriend the day we went out for the first time. A couple of days later he called me. That day I found out that he was living in a group home. I was really curious as to why he was living in a group home. I asked him why he was living in a group home and he told me that he was in a gang. That he had gotten into trouble, and he went to court. The judge told him he could either go to jail or come to Orem and stay in a group home. I looked at him and I was scared out of my mind. He told me that he wasn't a part of the gang anymore. I believed him. I can't believe I would even consider that he was telling the truth. After dating him for a couple of months I found out that he had anger problems. Anything I would do or say would set him off. I tried breaking up with him and he was really upset. He threw me up against a locker at school and told me that I wasn't allowed to leave him. He threated many things. I was so scared. We dated for over a year. He abused me the whole time. I had teachers and councilors that knew what was going on. I was told that if I ever felt unsafe I could get up out of my chair, leave class, and go to my teachers class room that I felt safe in. There were many times that I left my classes and went to my "safe room."
    We dated for over a year. I tried many times breaking up with him, but, every time I would bring it up, he would get angry, and yell at me. Luckily, he graduated a year before I did. I changed my number, and blocked him on Facebook. Those are only two of the ways I got away from him. I had help from my parents, and teachers. I'm grateful that I was able to get away from that situation. I think why I'm here on earth is so that I can help others through the tough times they are going through. I'm glad I was able to go through these tough times so I could learn and grow. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't go through hard things. I'm very blessed to be here on earth.

A^2+b^2=c^2

     When I was in the 5th grade my teacher realized that I wasn't understanding things as fast as other kids in my class. He thought it would be a good idea to start giving me tests to see what was really going on. My parents agreed to the tests. I was tested from the 5th grade all the way until I reached the 8th grade. It was a long process. The test results came back that I have a learning disability. I don't learn things as quick as other people, my math level in high school was a 4th grade level. I literally can't do math without using a calculator or my fingers. I was ashamed that I had this problem. I didn't want people to know that I couldn't do math. I didn't want people to know that I was in 4 different math classes in jr. High. I didn't want anyone to know that I also was in a math class with only 4 people in it, and we were given our own individual help by the teacher. I was embarrassed. I failed all my math classes in jr. High.
    When I finally got into high school, I was back at square one. I failed my math classes. Math was my biggest struggle. I didn't even want to look at my math homework. I wouldn't even try to solve the problems. I would write an answer down and call it good. When I would come home from school, my parents always asked if I had homework. I always told them no because it frustrated me to even look at a paper that had any numbers on it. I decided one day to go in and get help from a teacher. I somehow passed that class with a C. Luckily, my senior year in high school they started to have a class for kids that needed serious help with math. The teacher for that class would help my teacher like a teachers aid. One day the teacher aid called out 3 people's names and I knew what it was for. Sadly she didn't call my name. After she called the names out, I ran over to her and pulled her aside and told her she better not be leaving me in that class. She knew that I had math problems but I don't think she knew how bad I had it. She looked at me and she said she had to talk to the teacher about it. She left the class room and I sat back in my seat. I sat there and looked at the math paper. 5 minutes later Mrs. Anderson came back into the classroom and called me outside. I looked at her with a smile on my face. She said that she wants me in her class! I was so happy because I knew that she would be able to help me with my math. I couldn't believe it! I knew that I would still struggle with math, but I knew she could help me. I still hated math, and I still was embarrassed that I needed the extra help. But, after much struggle and hard days of math, I actually graduated high school with straight A's for the first time in my life. I had an A in math the first time in my life my senior year. I had so much help over the years. I'm so thankful for my Jr. High math teacher Ms. Svenson, and my high school senior year math teacher Mrs. Anderson. Now that I'm out of high school, I don't care what others think of me. I am different. I am unique. I may not know how to do math that well, but I love who I am. I am forever grateful for my 5th grade teacher who decided to test me and figure out what was wrong. I'm unique and I'm okay with that.

From the begging

         

        I had a friend tell me that I should make a blog and share my story so others could hear it, and maybe it will help others that are going through some of the same things. This is my story;

    I was in Jr. High school when it all started. I was in the 7th grade and I was in a ceramics class and I didn't have any friends to sit with so, I decided that I would just sit at a table. I sat down and other people started to fill the class room. As the class went on, I realized that people on my table were staring at me and laughing. I was really confused what was going on. I just decided to mind my own business and went back to work. Later that day at lunch I saw my friend. I was so glad to see someone that I could talk to. I went up to him and the first thing he said was that people asked him why he was friends with the girl that looked like flounder, an ugly fish. I was confused and I asked him what he was talking about. He told me that his friend had told him that I look like a fish that was called flounder. Not flounder from the movie Little Mermaid, but a real flounder. I was really embarrassed and I didn't know what to say so I just walked away. After that day I decided that people probably don't want to look at my ugly face. I kept my head down all day at school until I got home. When I was at home I would look at pictures of flounders and think to myself that I actually did look like a fish! I hated going to my ceramics class because I sat with the people that were making fun of me. Anytime they would say hey flounder I would respond and say hey. I didn't know how to stand up for myself. My head got lower and lower so no one would have to look at my face. I was ashamed of the way I looked. I didn't have any self confidence at all. By the time lunch came around I was really, really hoping I could just escape from the world. I would sit in a hallway all by myself for lunch. Luckily I had made some new friends from other classes and they eventually helped me realize that I am better than that to think I was ugly. 

    When I was finally out of Jr. High and thought that I wouldn't have to deal with people calling me names, or pointing and laughing at me, I saw this friend of mine that I hadn't seen since elementary school! He had always been mean to me but I thought that maybe things had changed. I decided that I would go and talk to him and see how things were going. He talked to me like he had changed and that he was going to be a great friend. As my sophomore year went on I saw him and other people giving me weird looks and laughing at me. I was really confused and I just went on my way as I usually did. I met these two other boys who were friends with my friend from elementary school. They all were so rude to me but I really didn't care at the time. They would always find a way to tell me that I was ugly and they couldn't see me ever being loved or cared about by anyone. I just laughed and agreed with them. I didn't know what to do in that situation. As time went on they were still saying rude and mean things to me, but I started to believe that I would never be married and that I could never be cared for. One day out of no where, I heard people quacking and calling the name Aflack out. I looked around to see who they were making fun of but I realized they were staring at me. I was overcome with emotions of hatred and I just wanted to die. I walked away to the sound of them still quacking at me. On a different day I was going to my biology class and I heard laughing. It was the boys who had been making fun of me, and quacking at me. I tried my best to ignore them but I asked them what was so funny. They looked at me while laughing and said that I would find out soon. I went into the classroom confused, thinking that I either had food all over me, or something was in my hair. I sat down at my table and people were pointing at the window. I turned around to look at the window and there on the window was a poster of Aflack the duck. I was so embarrassed. The boys were laughing and quacking at me. My teacher didn't even say a word to them. I was being publicly embarrassed and a teacher wasn't doing a thing about it. I quickly put my head down on the table and cried. Luckily, that was my last class of the day. When I was walking home from school many cars were passing me by. One of the cars that was passing by, rolled down a window and they all screamed out the window Aflack and were quacking at me. Several days had passed and they were still quacking and laughing at me. I had gotten several text messages saying that I was ugly and that I would never be loved. One of the texts I can remember said: "I would rather kill you than look at you." I was upset and I was sick of the way I looked. I just wanted to be beautiful and be like everyone else. I couldn't stand the pain I was in and I wanted to end my life.

This had been going on all 3 years that I was in high school. My Junior year I decided it was time to end my life. The night I was going to kill myself the boy who quacked and laughed at me showed up at my door step and told me that I needed to get in his car because he knew something was wrong. My parents had no idea who I was with and what was going on. When I got home, I decided that I should tell my parents what I almost did. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of emotion going on. We decided that I needed to get help. We scheduled an appointment with a therapist. The day came of my appointment and I was so nervous. I didn't want my therapist to think that I was ugly. I was scared she would. The first thing she said to me when she met me was: "You're gorgeous. Are you a model?" I thought she was joking... After I had told her my situation she looked me in the eyes and said that she couldn't believe that is what happened to me because she honestly thought that I was a model.. I went to therapy for over 3 years and it was the best decision I have made yet in my life. It has helped me to realize that I am beautiful. That I will one day be married and loved by someone who cares about me. I'm so thankful for the help I have been given. I'm blessed to have the family that I have. They helped me through the most of it. I know for a fact I wouldn't be here today if I didn't get the help that I needed.